


Slip of the Tongue

by sarangx



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Secret Relationship, changlix will never die, lots of anxiety like same tbh, minor stuff tho, ot9 means ALL SHIPS RULE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 12:07:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14355126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarangx/pseuds/sarangx
Summary: “Hey, Felix, where’s your boyfriend?” Jisung called, a playful grin on his face as he looked up from stretching his leg.“Oh, he should be finishing up writing—” Felix cut himself off, eyes wide. Shit.Jisung had obviously been joking when he asked, but Felix’s drowsy brain clearly couldn’t decipher double meanings, so that was how their relationship was exposed—a slip of the tongue. An honest mistake.





	Slip of the Tongue

**Author's Note:**

> warnings:
> 
> —cussing  
> —homophobia mentions

Felix and Changbin’s relationship was quite easy to keep hidden. It wasn’t that they could resist touching the other—Felix? Not cuddling Changbin in _this_ economy?—but it was because their team members were so utterly dense it was amusing.

Jeongin and the entirety of the maknae line was expected to be innocently unaware of intimate ongoings between people; they were fine. But Chan and Woojin, the two eldest, were both awful at sensing social cues and ulterior motives. Even if they did, their actions spoke volumes about their experience in the matter, and they tended to jump to the wrong conclusions anyway.

It wasn’t that they were dumb. No, they were all smart and quite a few of them managed to do schoolwork alongside being an idol. But it was more about common sense and observance than it was intelligence.

Minho and Jisung were the ones with the most common social sense. They both had their fair share of relationships, and Jisung had seen his parents’ love go from a lovely dusk sky in the summer, to an overcast wintry day filled with snowstorms and lightning. Despite being a 2000 liner, his maturity surpassed the years he was alive.

Even with Minho and Jisung, though, no one in Stray Kids realized that the running joke of ‘ _changpil_ ’ had become a reality. No one had thought, _‘oh wow, that’s kinda gay_ ’ or ‘ _there’s no hetero explanation for this_ ’ because it had never really crossed their minds.

Same-sex couples were still a rather taboo topic in Korea. Generally, Asians were very traditional people and chose to stick with what they were familiar with rather than something new. The concept of same genders dating one another was one that blew them away, and they had chosen to either shame it or ignore it altogether. They were traditional, after all, and change was not something they welcomed—especially with something as old as they could remember.

So it was understandable that everyone in Stray Kids was oblivious to the whole romantic thing. And it was _also_ understandable that Felix and Changbin kept their relationship to themselves.

Although Felix came from Australia—a country that had already legalized same-sex marriage—he was very familiar with homophobia. After all, high schools weren’t too accepting of anything that threatened their small, individual bubbles of ignorance and cognition. Despite Felix’s bright smile and pretty freckles and hearty laugh and everything in between, his sexual orientation seemed to block all of that out like an eclipse.

 After he had come out in the tenth grade, he was met with ashamed parents and a sudden absence of friends. It was like people believed he carried a malignant disease and that he’d spread it to them if they got too close. He was only glared at and whispered about, though, and the treatment didn’t get worse than that before he moved to Seoul. He wisely chose to keep his sexuality to himself when he arrived.

 Changbin, born and raised in South Korea, knew very well how his fellow Koreans felt about being gay. They called it a sin, a disgrace, a fad— _unnatural,_ was the word everyone seemed to have settled on, Buddhist or Christian or any other religion be damned. Homosexuality was bad, very bad, according to basically the entirety of Asia.

 Changbin’s parents were no different. If anything, they were worse. They were extremely vocal about the whole thing, and seemed to find a way to squeeze in how much they hated the gays into every conversation. His father, especially, was quite angry about the mere thought that dating the same gender was okay in the slightest.

 Changbin’s mother was more worried about how the gays would affect future generations. She’d often complain that they’d taint them and teach them that sinning was an acceptable thing to do.

 “How are they supposed to have kids, anyway?” She’d ask, not really looking for an answer when she did; she never got one.

 In short, he had grown up in a homophobic environment. He was taught that liking boys was awful, was worse than killing a man, was worse than setting a village on fire, was worse than death itself.

 So whenever Changbin would suddenly get a fluttering feeling in his chest as he locked eyes with Kim Hojung in his last year of middle school, he was more than confused. Whenever he’d blush around the guy, he was terrifiedafterward. Liking boys was awful, was sinning, was—but _why_ did he see the world in Hojung’s eyes and the zenith of a mountain in his grin? Why did his heart jump when Hojung said his name? Why was it so awful, so bad, so unforgivable to fall a little in love?

 Changbin didn’t know, didn’t _want_ to know. The unrequited love of middle school bleeding into high school taught him not to question it. Hojung moved to a different high school than him, and Changbin was only left to reminisce. Love was a secret, he realized, so he kept the fact that he found guys prettier than girls to himself.

 So when you have Felix’s lonely high school life and disapproving parents paired with Changbin’s inner turmoil in a largely conformable country, you have a recipe for pining and reluctant confessions.

 The falling in love part was easy; Changbin couldn’t help but to gravitate toward the other, couldn’t help but to admire how refreshingly real his smile was, couldn’t help but to grow entranced by his voice, couldn’t help but to want to count his freckles, couldn’t help but to grow endeared by his shaky Korean, couldn’t help but to wonder what his hair felt like, couldn’t help but to wonder how it’d feel to hold his hand or to peck his lips. And though liking boys was bad, very bad, Changbin was but a fool when it came to Lee Felix.

 Felix was no better, of course—Changbin’s eyes were too mesmerizing to resist, his laugh too similar to tinkling bells, his presence too alluring, his voice too enrapturing, his lyrics too engulfing, his style too unique, everything _too_ _Changbin_ , and Felix couldn’t fight how his heart would beat faster every time they’d lock eyes. He couldn’t stop himself from clinging to him as much as possible—as _platonically_ possible—because Changbin was Changbin and Felix was Felix. Simple as that.

 So yeah, it didn’t take a lot of effort or time for them to fall helplessly in love with one another. Maybe it was unconventional or weird, but it still happened, and there didn’t need to be an explanation behind it. The part that was difficult was confessing.

 Felix knew how harsh Australia was about it, so he could only imagine how South Korea was. Though he knew they were quite conservative, he didn’t know to what extent. He was a bit scared and nervous about it all, but he also couldn’t help but be a little giddy. Life had been hard, trainee life even harder, but the burst of butterflies in his stomach reminded him of his youth. He was young and he was impressionable and he was clingy. Changbin was someone he looked up to and admired, someone who had amazing talents and a kind personality. But it wasn’t just that; Changbin felt like home—like giggling on a sunny day while eating TimTams and Choo-Choo bars. Being in his company felt right and made him feel like he was thirteen again.

 Changbin was more scared than anything. He had never dated before so he already didn’t have a clue as to what the hell was going on inside him. He also had to accept that he felt this way about a boy—the same gender—and as he was taught, it was a very, very bad thing. Even though he had had an experience with a boy in the past, this was different. Felix was the definition of ethereal and Changbin only fell deeper in love as each day passed. Everything was so much more real, and he was older and more mature and he _still_ only ever felt those butterflies for boys. It was bad. What he was feeling was bad. That’s what everyone around him had always said. But he couldn’t do anything about it, and it only seemed to worsen as time ticked by. He probably should hate Felix, but really, he only hated himself. He was the one who was stupid enough to fall in love with a boy again.

 Changbin cried himself to sleep every night; partly due to the thought of never being good enough, and partly due to the thought of daring to be gay. Love was supposed to be beautiful, and in a way, he guessed it was—the softness, the warmth in his chest, the blushing cheeks—but Changbin had always been someone to overthink, so he had only ever focused on the inevitable consequences of being in love with a boy.

  _“Changbin hyung?” Felix had whispered one night from across the room. The Aussie had just opened the door and entered. “You’re awake, aren’t you?” He seated himself in front of Changbin, who had been burrowed under the blankets._

  _Changbin tensed up, feeling the familiar thrum of nervousness and adoration rush through his veins at the sound of Felix’s voice and presence. He hadn’t been asleep, of course—the dry tear tracks under his eyes proved it. But he chose to keep quiet anyway._

  _“Hyung,” Felix had sighed. “Why have you been avoiding me?”_

  _The older rapper had squeezed his eyes tighter at the question. He bit his lip harshly, feeling a sob threatening to tear through his throat._ I love you so much that I might die. You make me so happy and everything about you, flaws and all, are so you that I can’t handle it. You, you, you: the one who causes my heart to skip a beat, and the one to cause the heat in my cheeks, and the one who makes me smile, and the one who makes me want to be a better version of myself. I adore everything about you. You’re ethereal and I do not deserve you. _But for every word that echoed in his mind, Changbin hadn’t said any of it._

  _“Hyung, please, I know you’re—”_

  _“You should go to bed, Felix-ah,” Changbin had said lowly. “It’s late.” His voice was shaking, and every word that had slipped from his mouth was close to shattering._

  _“Hyung?” Felix inquired, eyes wide. He had heard the state of the other’s voice. “Are you okay?”_

  _“Please, Felix-ah,” Changbin tried again, “you should sleep. You’ll be tired in the morning.” His voice broke at the end of his sentence, closely followed by a tear slipping from his eye. He cursed himself for being so obvious._

  _Suddenly, the blankets had been ripped off of him. But before he could react, Felix had already reached for him. Changbin was now sitting upright thanks to the younger’s grip on his shoulders._

  _“Hyung, hey,” Felix said softly, eyes searching as he took in Changbin’s disheveled appearance and wet eyes. “What happened? I’m sorry, is it because of me? If it was, I’m—”_

  _“Dammit, Felix, why can’t you just_ go away _?” Changbin finally snapped, tears falling faster as a choked whimper made its way through his lips. “Why can’t you stop being you? Why can’t you give me a reason not to like you? Why can’t you make these feelings go away? You’re making this so hard, and I’m just—” his words tapered off into hiccups and sobs. He covered his face with his hands, hoping to salvage his dignity at least a little bit._

  _“Changbin, hyung,” Felix murmured gently, taking away the other’s hands so that he could wipe away the tears himself. “Do you like me? Is that what this is all about?”_

  _All the older could do was nod silently, head bowed._

  _“Hey, that’s okay,” Felix continued, smiling gently. He clasped Changbin’s head in his hands, palms resting on either side like he was made of glass. “I like you, too. It’s okay to like me.”_

  _“Is it?” the other hiccuped, eyes shining with tears. He was studying Felix and listening attentively. He could feel hope sprout in his chest._

  _“Yes, it is.”_

  _“But- why do- why do people. . .” Changbin frowned, eyebrows furrowing. “My parents always said it was b-bad. So I’m- I’m bad, aren’t I?”_

  _Felix could feel his heart break. He hugged the older boy tightly, arms wounding around his torso and shoving Changbin’s face into the crook of his neck. There were warm tears seeping into the fabric of his shirt, but Felix didn’t care._

  _“It’s not a bad thing, Changbinnie,” he murmured gently, hand coming up to comb through the other’s hair. “It’s a common misconception, okay? You can’t help feeling this way, so don’t blame yourself for it.”_

  _“Fe,” Changbin whispered brokenly, his voice breathy as he clutched onto the Australian’s shirt. His body trembled as he repeated Felix’s name like a mantra, cuddling impossibly closer._

  _“Binnie, Binnie,” Felix said in turn, his own eyes tearing up. “My Binnie,” he whispered, hand retreating from its place on the boy’s waist to wipe tenderly at Changbin’s cheeks._

  _“This is embarrassing,” Changbin muttered after he had managed to calm down, ears burning red as he processed his mental breakdown._

  _“It’s okay, hyung,” Felix chuckled, voice deep with fondness as he continued to hold the other close. Their legs tangled with one another’s, their heartbeats sounding in tandem as they faced each other with unadulterated admiration. Changbin kept looking away, though, blushing from the attention and from the intimacy of it all._

_They had stayed in bed that night, the younger whispering reassurances to the other quietly until they both fell asleep feeling warm and happy._

 That was how they confessed: lots of crying and soft touches and fond looks. They didn’t kiss until a week later when Changbin had surprised Felix after the Aussie had come looking for him.

 It was only a peck, and Changbin being the inexperienced, shy boy he was, had immediately flushed bright red. He stuttered over his words as he tried to explain himself; he had finally finished the song he’d been working on for three weeks, and when he had seen Felix, he couldn’t help but let the excitement overtake him.

 Felix, of course, hadn’t minded at all. A flustered Changbin was always amusing and cute to see. When he had pieced together the boy’s reasoning, his face brightened and he returned Changbin’s peck, laughing when the Korean had let out a surprised squeak.

 The pair really, _really_ liked kisses. Not the steamy, hot ones, but instead the soft ones that only needed a press of the lips. They were always gentle and chaste, and they never failed to send a tingling sensation up both of their spines. Kisses energized them and uplifted them—if one of them was sad, the other would place a soft kiss on his lips and his smile would return.

 Their relationship was pure and innocent. There was nothing dirty about it, nothing suggestive or the like—“I’m just not interested,” Changbin had said once with a shrug, to which Felix agreed with a relieved smile—and so really, there was nothing to hide. They cuddled and kissed a lot, and would joke about how smitten they were with each other, but simply weren’t interested in doing anything more.

 The problem laid in how the members would react. They didn’t know if someone in their group was homophobic or if being in a relationship was even allowed. There were a lot of factors that lit a fire of anxiety in the couple, and so they kept their relationship secret for months. It wasn’t until a little after Stray Kids’ debut that they came out.

Really, it happened on accident; they had an early morning dance practice and everyone was still a bit tired—Felix especially, since he had stayed up to wait for Changbin’s return from the studio. The composer hadn’t come until the early hours of the morning (and insistent convincing from his boyfriend) and had already left to continue writing in his studio only an hour before their schedule would begin.

 Most of the members had already started stretching in the practice room. Save for a sleepy Jeongin and a near-hysterical Seungmin, everyone had pretty much woken up.

 Changbin was still in his studio, though, and Felix was a bit worried about his boyfriend’s health. But he kept his thoughts to himself, tearing at his lip as his mind wandered. He still felt a bit hazy, and his eyes drooped with exhaustion.

 “Hey, Felix, where’s your boyfriend?” Jisung called, a playful grin on his face as he looked up from stretching his leg.

 “Oh, he should be finishing up writing—” Felix cut himself off, eyes wide. _Shit._

 Jisung had clearly been joking when he asked, but Felix’s drowsy brain clearly couldn’t decipher double meanings, so that was how their relationship was exposed—a slip of the tongue. An honest mistake.

 “What?” Hyunjin said too loudly, attracting the other boys to the conversation and causing curiosity to spread through the group.

  _Really, Felix, really?_ The Australian could hear Changbin chastising him already.

 Hyunjin and Jisung were staring at him with wide eyes, slack-jawed as they tried to process what had just happened.

 “I meant- I, uhm, I meant that, like, you know,” Felix stuttered in a vain attempt to salvage the situation. He made vague hand gestures, trying to find an excuse but coming up with none.

 “Hey, guys, sorry I’m late. I was finishing up writing a song in my—” Changbin stopped himself from saying anything more, freezing in the doorway when he saw the helpless look in Felix’s eyes. “What? What happened?”

 “Felix has a boyfriend!” Hyunjin shouted with a smile, eyes glittering happily.

 “ _What_?” Changbin turned quickly to face the boy in question, eyes wide. “You told them?”

 “Told us what?” Minho asked, looking at Changbin with narrowed eyes. “Did you already know that he was gay?”

 “Oh my God, this is a mess,” Changbin groaned, dragging his hands across his face exasperatedly.

 “Hyung, I didn’t mean to—” Felix stepped toward the other, eyes soft and apologetic. Before he could finish his explanation, though, he was cut off.

 “Wait, are you two actually together?”

 Jisung’s question made the couple go rigid. The other members were equally surprised and were watching them with bated breath and expectant gazes.

 Changbin felt fear coursing through his veins, his heart already beginning to race. He turned his head away and scuttled behind Felix instinctually, taking advantage of his boyfriend’s height.

 “I- well—” Felix’s words were awkward and nervous. He moved to stand more in front of Changbin, though, as he knew in the back of his mind that he’d be terrified out of his mind. Felix let one of his hands fall to the younger’s, and silently, they clutched onto each other for strength. “Would you be mad if I said yes?”

 “Holy shit!” Jisung yelled, a huge smile planted on his face. “You actually— whoa!”

 Changbin peered from behind Felix cautiously, anxious to see his members’ reactions. Fortuantely, while they were still shocked, they didn’t seem to find it weird or gross. Instead, they were smiling softly and were actually giggling to themselves.

 “Why is Changbin hyung hiding?” Jeongin suddenly asked curiously, attracting everyone’s attention to the boy still huddling behind Felix.

 “He was a bit nervous about your guys’ reaction,” Felix explained simply. He nudged Changbin gently, turning to smile at him. “It’s okay, Binnie.” At this, Changbin slowly stepped out from behind his boyfriend, but still remained close by his side.

 “You guys are so cute together!” Woojin gushed. “The fans were right!”

 The other members shouted in agreement, their coos mingling together and breaking the last bit of tension in the air. They chattered mindlessly about how nice it was, and how it was perfectly okay to be dating. Their kind words warmed the couple’s hearts, and they found themselves smiling and laughing along.

 As it turns out, they really had nothing to worry about.

**Author's Note:**

> idk why i wrote this xnndnxn  
> listen ok i saw that felix didnt take any photos with changbin recently, so naturally i said “felix wheres ur boyfriend?” and then this idea dawned on me and wow how did i write 3300 words in like five days?


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